Everyone is laughing about a Barney joke but Ted thinks Lily won't like it because it is boy funny. Here is the joke : What is the difference between peanut butter and jam? Future Ted tells us it's the dirtiest joke ever and won't tell us the punchline. He then tells us that Lily didn't see them for four weeks. (Way to write in the pregnancy!)
Robin encourages Ted to stop procrastinating. A little later, we find that Ted hired an assistant. Ted is accused of procrastinating even more. Barney defends the assistant until he finds out that the assistant is a woman. Later still, the assistant calls, apparently from the Empire State Building, to say that he is late. Ted realizes that the call is coming from inside the house. He then walks in on Robin and the assistant making out. Oops.
Ted tells Robin that they can't sleep together. She explains how it happened. Apparently he tried to stop her from going to the toilet. Ted then explains why he hasn't called the clients yet.
Barney asks Marshall if he is worried about layouts. He apparently knows some secrets that will make him fire-proof and encourages Marshall to have his own thing like "food guy", the guy who always brings food to meetings. They then mention Toy guy and Youtube Clip guy, but avoiding the peril of being like Creepy Back Rub Guy. Marshall thinks of some ideas but most of them are shot down until he comes up with the idea of introducing Fantasy Baseball.
Things work out a little too well for Marshall until he realizes that he has to carry around a lot of cash. They go to the bar where Ted complains about Robin sleeping with the assistant. Barney gets irritated and he and Marshall storms off. They talk about the joke and how Marshall wishes it had never been told.
Ted fires the assistant who then starts slacking off in Ted's apartment. He makes out with Robin until Ted asks him to stop. He goes to the toilet and Robin complains about how the guy isn't sexy anymore. Robin then breaks up with him.
Marshall decides that he doesn't want to be Sports guy anymore. Later, Barney tells Marshall that he is in love with Robin. Marshall thinks that she's good for him. Barney says that they have to get the assistant away from Robin. The solution is in hiring the assistant to be Marshall's paralegal.
Robin finds Ted worrying about how to even start his firm. She tells him that he can do it and he starts to make a phone call - of course, it's a call he makes to Robin. She tells him to call an actual client.